1) she's cleaning the house and it's already clean.
Boy, I remember those days. She would wake up early in the morning (there I was trying to sleep in...as my mom would say, "What you tired for? You ain't go no full time job) and cut her radio on. She wouldn't have the music on low, though. She would BLAST it and start cleaning up. I remember waking up to the sounds of the vacuum and the radio.
2) you've ever been hit in the head or knuckles with a hairbrush or comb.
I learned not to move when I was getting my hair done. I had to figure things out...it's like, "What hurts the most...letting her do my hair or getting my hair done?" or "Do I want to take the pain and get my hair did or walk around school looking like a mess?" I also got hit on the knuckles with a hairbrush. If you think that feels good, then you've got a problem. I would try to lay my hand out as flat as possible, but have my knuckles up just a little bit. If your hand was in a fist, that brush was no joke! Laying your hand out more kinda took away some of the pain because you can't really get to the knuckles.
3) you've ever been called from downstairs, upstairs, the back of the house, or from the front of the house to fix her a glass of ice water, get her the remote control, or change the channel on the tv.
My momma would call out my name and I would say, "ma'am?" and she wouldn't even respond. I would have to get up and go see what she wanted. Sometimes I kept saying "ma'am?" hoping that she would respond and I wouldn't have to get up. Nope, didn't even work.
4) you've been told to "Shut Up or I'll give you something to cry about" while she beats you with a belt-pronouncing every syllable ---"Didn't (hit) I (hit) tell (hit) you (hit) not (hit) to (hit) do (hit) that (hit) no (hit) more?"
I loved the "shut up or I'll give you something to cry about" phrase. There I was after just getting whooped and she tells me not to cry? lol. That's like the hardest thing, too. Your butt's all sore and you're trying to hold the crying noises in. Then, to make matters worse, she's holding onto my under my arm so that I couldn't run. Well, I could still run...in circles around her. And I would try and use my hands to block the hits. By then, my hands were in pain so I just left my butt to fend for its self.
5) you've ever had to pick your own switch or belt, and she sent you back if the switch or belt you got was to small.
I definitely remember this from being at my Bigma's house. She had this tree in her front yard and whenever you acted up, you had to go "get a switch off the tree." Of course, being a kid, I wanted the smallest switch possible. But then again, if the switch was too small, she would go outside and get an even bigger switch. So I was so darn confused. I tried to always get the bigger switch, though, so that she wouldn't be even more upset when it was time for my whoopin!
6) you ever got a whoopin in the car while your mom was driving....Reachin her hand back with a comb.
Now I never got to experience this one (*thank goodness*) but my momma and her sister did. My Grandma Nan was driving the car and I guess my mom and her sister were in the back seat fussing and fighting or something. My Grandma reached into the back seat (remember, she's driving the car) and smacked the heck out of my auntie.
7) she finds out that other kids are picking on you and she wants to bash them.
My momma would always tell me, "If somebody hit you, you betta hit them back."
8) by age 6 you believed that because she bought you into this world she could take you out.
I remember this happening to several of my friends. It's the momma motto (especially for black women)! You were always afraid, too, it's like, "oh crap, I'm going to get my butt beat today! Will I still be in this world tomorrow?" LOL
9) If you ever asked "why", she will tell you "because I said so !"
I came to believe that this what a good answer for everything. Boy, if a "why" question came up on a essay test, I would probably put "Because I said so!" and let that be the end of it.
10) instead of giving you a time to be home she says "and you betta be in this house before the street lights come on."
I remember being told this when I got in high school. I was never sure when exactly the lights would come on, so I would try and be home and soon as I could.
11) she just gives you "the look" and you start crying.
That's how it happened with me. After a while she didn't even need the belt anymore. She just looked at me and I was shaking in my shoes.
12) her cooking is beaten only by Grandma's.
**I absolutely LOVE having a Black mother. She has helped me to become the woman that I am today.**
