Monday, November 17, 2014

Cookin for Twelve

When Andrew and I were first dating, it was a bit of a culture shock eating dinner with his family. I'm a Southern girl, so I'm used to white bread, ground beef, fried foods...you know, the delicious, artery cloggin' food. It was just something different to get used to. I had never had ground turkey before, and I will be honest, I absolutely 100% did not like it when I first tried it. It was just...different.

I had to show them how it's done Southern-style. I remember going to the store with Andrew, and the main thing I wanted to cook for them was BBQ ribs. That's the one thing I had mastered with cooking. I could make some mean ribs. We hit up the grocery store, and of course, the prices were higher. I bought like 4 racks of ribs thinking it would be enough. Chile...

I cooked for what seemed like hours! haha! I don't even remember what sides we had because the main focus was on the ribs. I'll tell ya this, I probably should have cooked more. There was Ma, Pa, Andrew, Me, Anita, Lane, Bri Bevan, and Bette. Do you know how much 9 grown-almost grown people eat? Goodness gracious. Bones were licked so clean, though, that I felt mighty proud of myself.

Now I haven't been home for Thanksgiving in about 5 years. I can't believe it's been that long, but it has. If I can't go to Georgia for Thanksgiving; I'm just going to bring Southern Thanksgiving to the desert. This time, I'll be cooking for twelve. It would be more folks, but they're living in Utah. My menu plan: collard greens, potato salad, macaroni & cheese, deviled eggs, cornbread, banana pudding, and a sweet potato pie. Somebody else will have to make the turkey and ham. I think I'll be quite busy.

I remember, growing up, my Bigma would be busy in the kitchen the night before Thanksgiving. It just made Thanksgiving day flow better because the food was already done. I'm hoping to do the same. So exciting! My stomach is growling just thinking about it. Praying that it'll turn out alright! Of course, I'll take pics!

Tuesday, November 11, 2014

I Love Mommy, I Love Daddy, Yes I Do

Preschool is a blessing. I never thought I'd put him in it because I mean...I'm a sahm. It's part of the Job Description, right? Stay home and teach your kiddo, which is what I would do even if I were a working mom. I have noticed such a change in Kayson since he's been in preschool, though.
  • He's making his own friends. Let's face it, Kayson is not the biggest fan of playing with little girls. They trap him into corners and try to dress him up. He would rather throw a ball to them or wrestle. But hey, the liddies (little ladies) are drawn to him. Maybe it's that curly fro or those big brown eyes. Who knows really? But, he's got two friends who he talks about all the time. Their names are Evan and Darryl. Apparently, Evan's slogan is "Evan Evan, no push." (I wonder if that's what the teachers tell Evan and Kayson is a little parrot. lol!)
  • He's learning all these cool songs that I have never heard! Let's face it, I'm not the most creative person when it comes to teaching a 3 year old. Most days, I haven't a clue what to do. I always had my little sister or cousins to play with and we made up on own stuff. I don't remember adults actually playing with us, but then again, my memory pretty much sucks. I have a hard enough time remembering what I ate for breakfast. (Wait...did I eat breakfast?) Anyway, I picked Kays up from preschool on Friday and he started singing me this little song, "I love Mommy, I love Mommy. Yes, I do. Yes, I do. Mommy hugs me. Mommy, kiss. I love Mommy, I love Mommy. Yes, I do." And then he repeats it saying it, replacing with Daddy. It just melted my heart. Oh, I live for those moments! 
  • He's learning about gardening. They have a garden at their preschool and they get to water it everyday. There are actual living vegetables and other plants. How awesome is that? I tried my hand at gardening once and yeah, let's just say that nothing has lived so far. But, now my son kinda gets to teach me what he's learned!
  • His artwork is so fly. Seriously. They do the neatest little art projects.
  







  • His speech is improving!! He's starting to speak in longer sentences. Sure, sometimes his sentences are in Spanglish. (Es blue plate..."It's a blue plate.) And sometimes the beginning and ends of his sentences make sense but the middle is gibberish. Nevertheless, he's beginning to speak in sentences! So exciting!
I'm pretty sure we're going to keep him at this preschool until we move out of the area or he starts kindergarten. Even if he doesn't get another scholarship, it's so worth it.

Saturday, October 4, 2014

Party Like a Rockstar

I forgot to post this back in March so here it is!

Woke up this morning with a bangin' headache. Why? Because we were out partying from 5-10pm at the Blacklight Run! 



They started off with a pre-party with music banging. They were throwing out glowsticks and glow packs that people were opening up and swinging around.
Kayson was excited seeing the powder being thrown! He kept naming the colors. So cute!

I carried Kayson into the middle of the group and it turns out that's where all the powder was being thrown. I caught three Glow packs! Since Kayson was on my hip, he caught A LOT of the color. I kept asking him, "Do you wanna go see Dada?" (Andrew was hanging out in the back with the stroller.) He kept saying, "No, no." We stayed in the group for about 15 minutes just getting covered! (Kayson doesn't look so thrilled in this picture because I carried him away from the middle of the color group so that we could get him some food.)




When the 5K actually started, I could tell that Andrew really wanted to run. He would walk ahead at some points, but then he'd backtrack and come back to us. I finally just told him to go ahead and we set up a meeting point. It was awesome, though, because I got to hang out with my MOM friend, Vanessa!
 Had to get a picture glowing under the blacklights!
Vanessa started the 5K with a clean white shirt. She was covered after the run because there were stations where they threw the powder!
 Met up with my honey! He finished 20 minutes before us! (Kayson was asleep by then.)
AFTER PARTY! I'll tell ya, my head wasn't hurting in the midst of the music last night, but it's throbbing the beats now! There were some points where they would do a countdown and everyone would empty their glow packs. Being in the middle of all of that was cray-cray! It was like being in a neon dust storm.
 There was a really sweet proposal, too. Of course the girl said YES!
The aftermath was us completely covered in powder! Andrew didn't even recognize me when I came out of the After Party group. Heck, I don't even recognize myself!

The Blacklight Run is super awesome because they donate a portion of the money to charities like the Phoenix Children's Hospital. The amazing lady who started this program is in my MOMS Club.

Let's Talk About Infertility

Infertility isn't something that folks talk about a lot, right? Why not? Because it's a truly personal challenge and experience. It's not your average topic. (So how do you want your eggs? Fertilized.) But, there are a lot of folks who are dealing with it. Some ladies have never been able to get pregnant, for some it's difficult to stay pregnant, and then there are others who have given birth but can't seem to get pregnant again. I'm in that latter category. I can't speak for every woman who is dealing with infertility, but I can tell ya that it's something that I would never wish on another person. This feeling of inadequacy and confusion.

When are you going to have another baby? It's such a personal question, but it's one that I get asked often. Sometimes I want to give a smart aleck remark (Ya know, I should be having my baby in about 9 months from this morning.) Then, I just realized that folks are genuinely curious. Not everyone understands that it's difficult for some people to get pregnant.

So here's the spiel. We've been trying for over a year now (infertility comes in at a year of trying with no success). It really didn't take that long to get pregnant with Kayson even with all of my crazy stomach troubles. 4 months and BOOM - SURPRISE! The best feeling ever! Honestly, up until about 1.5 years ago, I was convinced that Kayson was going to be an only child. Parenting isn't easy, but there is so much JOY in being a parent. The love that I feel for Kayson is overwhelming sometimes. I was totally expecting a quick positive on the home pregnancy test. Three months went by, six months, nine months, a year...and here we are now.

I'm only 25. I didn't expect to have trouble conceiving. I can only imagine how difficult it would have been if I had waited to have kids when I was advanced in my career or something. What if I waited until we were more financially stable? Then perhaps we would have never had a child. I don't test anymore. If I wind up on the show, "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant," it's because I would have truly convinced myself that there was no way that I could be pregnant. And my body has spent many months throwing pregnancy related symptoms at me only to leave me red at the 31 day mark. It's almost like I experience a loss every month. I go throughout the month with hope that I will get a positive test and when it's negative, I grieve. It's a pain that I never would have understood without going through it myself.

I feel so much joy and sadness at the same time when I see pregnancy announcements on Facebook. A new baby is EXCITING. It's joy. It's love. It's wonderful. That sweet baby smell, their faces when they smile at the angels in their dreams, it's amazing. I will admit that I am very much human, and I get a bit jealous when I see the effortlessness that some seem to have with becoming pregnant. But, I don't know her story. I don't know what obstacles she overcame to become pregnant. I just know my story.

My story is that I have a wonderful husband and a sweet little boy. I love them with all of my heart. I know that I am capable of expanding that love. Should I get over myself and simply be grateful for the little boy that I do have? Nope. I'm allowed to mourn what feels so far away. A woman in my support group best put my feelings into words: "It's not that I'm not satisfied [with the child that I have], it's that I love him so much and he makes me so happy that I crave more of those feelings." I hope that another little sweetie will join our family. When will that happen? I don't know. I have no control over it. I think that's one of the sad things. To want something so badly but know that I can't make it happen. It will happen when it happens. Will I still feel moments of jealousy? Of course. I am only human. All I can do is try to have faith that things will happen in the Lord's timing.

Wednesday, August 13, 2014

My Laparoscopic Experience

(As soon as I heard about the procedure, I took to good ole Google to find out what to expect from the laparoscopy. I saw a lot of medical advice, but I didn't see many articles where people shared their own personal experiences. So, I figured why not make my own post.)

I was afraid to go to sleep on Tuesday. I don't really know why. I was just afraid. I even took some Melatonin and I still couldn't stay asleep. So, I stayed awake watching Grey's Anatomy on Netflix. Thankfully, I was able to kind of crash at 10am because my body was exhausted.

I was so scared going into the Surgical Center. Afraid of the unknown. I mean, could you imagine getting a $5,000 Medical credit card only to get a diagnosis of "I don't know"? That's a lot of money. Not something that my family has. But, what could I do? I couldn't control what the doctor found or if he would find anything at all. I just tried to accept that what would happen would happen. Everything would still be okay.

They had me take off all of my clothes and put on a hospital gown. Then, it was just the routine stuff. They checked my vitals and asked me all the necessary questions. Do you drink or smoke? Do you have tattoos? Have you had surgery before? Stuff like that. The doctor, anesthesiologist, and nurses were all so nice. They kept up conversations to keep my nerves calm. I'm sure my heart rate was pretty high. The last thing I remember is the nurse saying, "I'm going to give you the little cocktail that the anesthesiologist talked to you about." And I must have fallen asleep pretty quickly. The whole procedure took about 45 minutes.

I woke up super confused. I was pretty uncomfortable. The nurse kept administering pain medicine to me, but I guess it was making me nauseous along the way. Yeah...I'm pretty sensitive to pain meds. The nurse kept insisting that I needed to pee before I left the hospital. If I wasn't able to go, then she was going to have to use a catheter. I have never tried so hard to pee in my life. It was crazy. I couldn't even feel my urethra to trigger the sensation to go. I just lay there trying to remember how to make my urethra work. The nurse pushed more and more fluids through the IV and gave me a Coca-cola to drink to wake me up more. It took about 45 minutes before I was finally able to go. I was so weak when trying to move from the bed to the wheelchair to the toilet. Even when sitting on the toilet, it took about 5 minutes for me to remember how to go. (Golly, I could only imagine what a toddler goes through with potty training.) My appointment was at 12:30pm and we got home at around 5pm.

Funny stuff I did while still under the influence of anesthesia:
  • When my husband walked into the room, I started touching his face and hair.
  • Apparently I was telling Andrew that "this hurts" and gave him a mean face. Andrew: What's wrong? Are you angry? Me: No Andrew: Are you sad? Me: No. Andrew: Well, you're giving me this >=[ face. Me: I don't know.
  • I told my husband that he was a member of the Backstreet Boys.
The Pain
Everyone's pain is different. Everyone has different pain tolerances. Each laparoscopy is different. For me, the doctor made an incision in my navel, another incision five inches below that, and one more on the right side of my pelvis.
  •  One day post-op: Most of the pain is in my navel. Super uncomfortable. Lots of pain. It seems like it go deep into the pit of my stomach. My abdomen is really tender where it hurts to even touch it. Laughing and coughing hurts. Even raising my voice hurts. Anything that requires me to use a lot of my abdomen just hurts. Sit ups are probably out of the question. I'm a bit bloated and it all just hurts, but that's okay because I now know what the problem is!
  •  Four days post-op: I woke up and I thought that I was better. I was able to take almost steps when I went to the bathroom. I finally regained complete control of my urethra (for some reason, it was numb for a few days and I had to really force the flow to start). I climbed into the shower and stayed there in there for 10 minutes. When I got out, I was able to get dressed. Soon after that, I just felt a ton of pain. I'll tell ya, recovering from the Laparoscopy has been much harder than recovering from my c-section. My NP prescribed Hydromorphine because I'm in a lot of pain and the Hydrocodone just wasn't cutting it.
The Diagnosis
The doctor found a bit of endometriosis, a cyst, and some scarring (possibly from the c-section I had with Kayson). My husband said that the doctor was able to remove all of it. I have a follow up appointment in two weeks. Hopefully things will get better from here. I have no experience with endometriosis, but I know that it affects a lot of women. I know that it makes it more difficult to get pregnant. It's possible that I will keep getting ovarian cysts. I know that this wasn't my first year. I have had at least one other cyst this year.

How I'm Feeling
Emotionally, I'm just happy to have an answer for all this pain. It's been hard for me to accept the fact that recovery is going to take a while. I just want to be up and resume normal life.  It's hard to be dependent on other people. I'm trying to ask for help, though. I mean, it's not like I have any choice. lol. Kayson has really been wanting to snuggle with me, but goodness gracious, a three year old with his elbows in my stomach is not exactly comfortable. He has been giving me tons of kisses, though. I love that little boy. I'm very blessed to have family and friends who care for me. I joined a Chronic Pain Support Group on Facebook and it has been beyond amazing.

Friday, July 18, 2014

So...Here's the Thing

A lot of people have been asking me what's going on with my health. Honestly, I haven't known what to say and I haven't really wanted to talk about it. It's a separate issue from the stomach problems (which have been 90% resolved...YAY) and a lot more personal. I mean, how do you go up to someone and respond, "Yeah honey, you know, my vagina is just broken. I need to take it in to get a tune-up or something."

The pain has been going on for a while. It started at least six months ago. At first, it only happened during ovulation. Then, my period and ovulation would switch back and forth trying to compete to see which would cause the most pain. Now I'm at the point where the only time I don't have pain is when I'm on my period. Yep, so 25 days out of the month, I pretty much hate life.

So when people ask me how I'm feeling, I say that I'm okay. Am I okay? Not at all. But I will keep saying that I am because I'm hoping that it will become true. One of the sad things is that people tend to treat you differently when something is wrong with you. There's something about the way they look at you. I have seen it one too many times. Some people immediately belittle the pain - "Oh, it's just cramps. I've had that pain before. Take some medicine and use some heat. You'll be fine." Imagine having "cramps" for 25 days in a row...your uterus burns, you have cramps, and stabbing all at once. If you walk around, you feel like you're going to pass out. Fun stuff. 6 years of pain is enough to make anyone go crazy. Some give you that sad look...and yep, I go home and cry. I don't want people to feel sad or bad for me. I feel sad enough by myself. I just want to be normal - healthy, strong, and able to clean my own dang house.

I'm never sure what to tell people when they ask me what they can do to help. I don't like giving chores to other people that I want to be able to take care of myself. And how do you say, "Okay, could you wash the dishes and sweep the floors? And you, would you mind folding clothes for me?" I don't want to be a burden. So many people have their own families and trials to think about. Yes, I'm in pain. It's not okay, but I've got a strong healthy heart, my lungs work just fine, and my legs and arms aren't broken. There are things to be grateful for. The Relief Society Presidency at church is amazing. They set up meals for my family this week so that I didn't have to cook. It helped a lot to know that my guys had nice homemade meals.

I'm going in for a Laparoscopy in a few weeks in hopes that we can figure something out. Everyone has their trials and they are vary by person. I don't like to share my trials with people. But folks have questions, and I know that there are others who may be struggling with something similar. If I can help others out in the world who deal with chronic pain to know that they're not alone, then okay, I can let down my guard and be vulnerable for just a bit. I can help someone who may feel like it's just not worth it. To put on a fake smile in front of people...to just keep moving forward. Life is worth living. It's okay to be sad.

I cry, and then I get up and do what I can. Because that's who I am. I will never stop giving my all. Pain is a scary thing. It's not something I can see. It's not something that I can fix myself. I'm sad, I'm upset, but I'm giving life everything I've got. That's what is expected. The Savior did it.

Wednesday, April 9, 2014

Couple's Night : Minute to Win It in Pictures!

It's been a while since Andrew and I have gotten to hang out with other couples. We love hanging with Kayson too, but it's nice to talk about something other than "Did Kayson poop today?" or "How are we going to get this kid to eat his vegetables?" Yeah, so we were pretty excited about having a Couples Night. We left Kayson with his auntie, Bette, and took off!





















Yep, Andrew and I totally lost! haha!

The Ultimate Playdate

Have I said how much I love Arizona?? Seriously, when you get past the needing to reapply deodorant multiple times each day and feeling like your skin will peel away, it's THE BOMB. Love love love this place! Unless Heavenly Father says otherwise, we're probably going to buy a house out here. Yep, I said it. (Of course, I'll always be a Southern Gal.)

A few weeks ago, the Scottsdale Public Library had a thing called The Ultimate Playdate. There were a ton  of people (4,500) there, but I don't feel like it was crowded. I mean, we could get around pretty easily with our stroller in tow. We didn't have to wait in any of the lines for more than 5 minutes. They had so many different crafts and games for the kids to do. It was just a nice change of scenery and something fun for the whole family! Kayson was so tired by the end and Andrew got a little sunburned, but we all left smiling! Loved it!!