I Will Admit

These things have just been on my mind...

>When I first started college, it was really difficult. There were so many students there with their parents to guide them along. Some of the parents drove their kids out to BYU-I and others flew with them. I flew by myself. When I got to school, the manager of my apartment complex is the one that picked me up from where the shuttle dropped me off. She was the one who took me to the store to get groceries and other things that I needed.

>It was hard for me to celebrate 3 years of birthdays without my family there. Thank goodness for the sweet friends I had out in Rexburg.

>I cried inside when none of my family was able to make it to my college graduation. I watched as students walked the halls with family members. I watched as students took pictures with their families. I listened as they discussed their dinner plans for the night. I bust my butt for 3 years. For two of those years, I took classes for all three semesters. It was tough. It was hard to watch as people spent money over the years to buy laptops, game consoles, new cellphones, etc, but a little money here and there couldn't be put away to watch me accept my diploma. I cried a lot inside.

>It was hard when I had to deliver Kayson without family. I heard time and time again about the parent's families coming out and helping them out. It was really tough.  Add to it, I was so depressed during the months following KJ's birth. I tried so hard to keep it inside. One of the reasons why I was so eager to get out of Rexburg and get to Arizona so quickly is because I wanted to be near family.

I am so grateful that my sister (Andrew's sister by blood, my sister by marriage) and my brother (her husband) came out to Rexburg a few days after Kayson was born. They traveled four hours. They cooked dinner for us and they played games with us. It was beyond nice to have family there. It was really important to me.

They weren't the only ones who helped out so much. There were quite a few people who made dinner for Andrew and I during the times when I was extremely sick and/or on bedrest. A lot of people came by to visit us and meet Kayson. For them, I am grateful.

But, there is one who was there with me through it all--my wonderful husband, Andrew. He stuck by my side. He went with me to the numerous doctor's appointments and hospital stays. He was by my side when I was riding a roller coaster of emotions. He was there when I was mean. He was there when I was sad. He was there to celebrate my accomplishments. He was there through all the sleepless nights. He was there through the depression. He was there through all the Burger King meals that I craved during pregnancy. He was there when I questioned myself. He was there when our son was born. He has never left me. I love that man with all of my heart, and I know, without doubt, that he loves me.